Hey! Long time, old friend.

I took her hand in the darkness

And we walked together.

She took my hand in the light,

And promised me, her forever.

Now a hand, a guide, a chance;

Something that we never had before.

The pain, sorrow, regret;

Words we need not no more.

My love and my life were in her hands,

And hers? So truly in my own.

An untold rumour of love,

And a place-a person-to call home.

Disaster was always lurking round the corner

At some point prepared to take us both.

I just failed to recognise, then,

That it was so, so close.

It hit her like a lightning bolt;

And clattered me like thunder;

Our life from then on, washed away with rain

Leaving me to wonder:

What is this life I call mine

Without my beating heart?

I often feared this day, of course

It was the day we must part.

Her hand so frail and fragile-

Clutched loosely in mine-

Her lips asking the indifferent doctor;

“How much time?”

And upon their response-

Not what I hoped it would be-

I apologise now for my actions,

Standing up to leave.

I felt my heart physically tear,

The day turning from dawn to dusk,

For I would’ve given you my last breath

Had you not taken yours first.

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I threw her my lifeline…

I watched as the tears escaped,

Trickling down the side of your face,

To fall and mix with the blood already on the floor.

Your eyes, ever distant,

Saw nothing in front of you,

Fuzzed with disappointment and horror.

The words of the ‘noble’ tongue

Slicing at your ears-

And no body else able to hear the encore.

The memories like a disease,

Killing and spreading in your body;

A nightmare you couldn’t wake up from.

And you were drowning: suffocating:

Crying out for help:

In an ocean made from your own tears.

I was helpless,

They all were,

But that wouldn’t change anything.

You did it in front of the mirror-

That’s how I saw-

Cracking your reflection,

Breaking it’s skin,

Watching as it cried out in pain.

A numb mind, feeling nothing at all.

But I felt it.

I felt it because you were more

Than those words that

Disguised your virtue-

More than the thoughts

Of everyone else

That didn’t know you.

I felt it because I fell in love with

The girl behind the mirror.

The girl you couldn’t see.

The girl nobody would ever see again.

Reputation

Verse 1

You care so much about everybody else’s feelings

You never really cared about mine

You care so much about what everybody’s seeing

You never saw yourself through my eyes.

They keep telling me I’m better off without you

But I just think they’re lying

And every thought I have is always about you

So I’m just gonna keep trying.

But then I see you there

With your hand in her hair

And a tear spills down my cheek.

My heart breaks

My chest aches

And my knees start to get weak.

Chorus

You take her home

While I take a breath

You take it all

And I’ll take what you left.

I gave my heart to you

You threw it back

My friends always knew

It would end like that

See guys like you have a reputation

A masters degree in manipulation.

Reputation…manipulation…

Verse 2

You care so much about your reflection in the mirror

You never cared to get out my way

Without you I see everything clearer

And I know that your looks will fade.

They tell me not to waste my time with you

But I never know what to say

They tell me that I shouldn’t be crying over you

But I’m gonna do it anyway

I remember your hand in hers

And all your little whispers

Things you used to say to me.

She’s nodding politely

Always smiling

But soon enough she’ll start to see.

Chorus.🙈

Verse 3

Then you see me there

His hand in my hair

And your filled with regret.

I no longer need you

No longer believe you

And your unable to forget.

He takes me home

While you catch your breath

I’m not on my own

But that’s how your left

You took our hearts

You tore them in two

But it all fell apart

For you.

See guys like you’ve got a reputation

A masters degree in manipulation.

From them we learn.

I have had the privilege of working alongside knowledgeable, wise elderly people. I am sad to say that some of whom have left us. But,I know they wouldn’t want me to dwell on it longer than it takes for me to breathe in.

I was challenged once to write a piece about my grandparents. My whole class was. Of course it started out disastrous. The older people are fundamental elements in our society. Indeed, they hold the key to our past, yet they also pave the way to our future. Often it is the older people we find ourselves going to for advice…usually they’ve already made the mistake we’re trying to avoid.

At the beginning it was difficult. We all started recalling stories of our grandparents fumbling the latest invention in technology. But I suddenly remembered something my grandad once said to me when he caught me giggling to myself as he poked at his phone. “Don’t laugh at me for not knowing how to use a phone, when it was me who thought you how to use a spoon.”

The thing is, without the people that came before us, the sacrifices they made, the sufferings they endured; our victories and glory days would have been impossible. My grandad used to boop me on the nose and say to me “sure if nawthing else, it’ll be a shtory.”

And ever since, I have been writing mine.

Nightmare

To dream of a world
Where everything was perfect
And your hand belonged
In mine. Effortlessly exchanging
Secret glances, smiling hopefully.

To dream of a place
Where our paths crossed
More than once, and we
Knew to acknowledge each
Other with more than a nod.

To dream of a time
Our lips met, never
Parting. The soft touch
Of your skin
Against mine.

To dream of a day
I had the courage
To say those three
Words, hoping you would
Say them back – praying even.

To dream of a night
We could dance under
The stars, our own heartbeat
The only music needed –
My steps quicker than yours.

But; forever in my dreams
May the ideals stay
For our exchanges were
Rarely secret, our nods
Simply respectful. And the rest?
Not even given th
Luxury of a memory.

My dreams are cold-
As is the hand that
You hold.
My heart broken
From the words
Never to be spoken.

Friday feels

Have you ever questioned the strength of your friendship with your friends? I mean haven’t we all right?

You know the way when you walk down a path there’s only room for so many of your friends, and then someone ends up awkwardly trailing behind? Yeah that awkward one is me. I didn’t mind it too much, well until I examined it further.

Then I began to realise it wasn’t just the default of the path. I realised that I was always the one taking the photos instead of being in them…

I was the one commenting on memes instead of getting tagged…

But what hurt the most was that I was the one that would’ve done absolutely anything for them. I would’ve taken a bullet for any single and every single one of them. And they wouldn’t even reply to my texts sometimes.

I was sceptical for a little while. I thought that my own reasoning for being there was to be a follower, a photo taker, a bodyguard. I stood behind each and every one of them when they told lies, when they were wrong. I was in their shadow, because I put myself there.

That’s what I thought. But I thought wrong.

I wasn’t in their shadow just because I stood behind them. I was their glow. I was probably the most important piece of the puzzle.

Marriage doesn’t always mean love.

Every time I close my eyes

I see you standing and I am surprised

You’re in a suit and a black tie

And I wonder I wonder I wonder why?

There’s men at your side and they’re whispering

They think I am not listening

But I can, i can hear everything

And then they just stop talking.

Their eyes are averted up to the door

But yours are firmly on the floor

I don’t know what you’re doing it for

But I can’t be a part of it anymore.

She puts her foot upon the ground

The music starts to play her down

It’s honestly the worst sound

I think I better go now.

But people turn and look at me

I can’t leave or they will see

I brush it off effortlessly

I catch your eye slightly.

You’re scared and worried, I can tell

Six months in heaven and now hell

Once we ring the wedding bell

You’re permanently under her spell.

You chose the girl you thought was right

Thought the ring would end the fight

But now you have to spend your nights

Without happiness; out of sight.

I told you from the beginning

She’s only in it for one thing

She has it in her to always win

And you’re the one who’s paying.

And in a flash you’ve left the alter

Not even once did I see you falter

You were like the lamb put to the slaughter

And now you’ve slipped out just like water.